The Power of ‘Hello' - why your next ‘Hi’ is worth more than you think

What if I told you that just one teeny, tiny change to your day could make you feel brighter, happier and more in tune with the world.  An act so simple yet often overlooked.  The magic part - it requires almost no time at all.

Imagine walking through a park when someone approaches from the opposite direction. You have two choices: look down and walk straight past, or look up, make eye contact, and offer a genuine "hello."

It seems such a small act, yet decades of relationship research prove that these tiny, everyday interactions are the metaphorical glue of human connection. Dr John Gottman of The Gottman Institute found that fulfilling, long-lasting relationships succeed not on grand gestures, but on regular, small acts of connection and appreciation.  His evidence suggests that in order to keep our "emotional bank accounts" in the green, we need at least five positive interactions for every negative one. This isn't just true for romantic couples; it works the same for friendships, families, and professional teams.

My father understood this instinctively. He was a walking man - a post-war child who viewed thrift and exercise as fundamental.  Whenever I joined him on one of his walks as a child, I was amazed that he seemed to know absolutely everyone. He wasn’t, in fact, a legend in our local area, he simply greeted everyone who passed him by, and that little gesture was almost always reciprocated. I thought it was madness at the time, but I now realise he was onto something profound.

Today, my household has a front-row seat to a steady stream of water traffic: boats, paddleboards, canoes, rowers, and the occasional strange, homemade floating contraption. Living on a houseboat, I’ve noticed a single major difference that separates river users from road users: boaters say hello (and mostly wave!).  They make eye contact. More often than not, they smile. This isn't limited to people enjoying a leisurely holiday, either. The same behaviour is standard among cargo barges, workboats, and tug operators. It is simply part of river culture; failing to return a friendly greeting is considered plain ruuude.  There is something refreshingly human about it - a brief, genuine acknowledgement.  This tiny gesture leaves both parties feeling just a little more satisfied with life.

Compare this to the average commuter experience on a city bus or train. Of course, in many parts of the world, chatting with strangers on public transport is customary - they are clearly ahead of the game. But for many of us, staying silent is either about being lost in our own digital worlds or a form of self-preservation.  To be clear, I am not advocating that you speak to literally everyone. If you try to greet every stranger on the pavement while navigating London's Oxford Street at rush hour, you will rightfully be branded a total nutter! Context matters.  

The most likely reason that most of don’t say hello is that we are lost in our own thoughts. In neurological terms it’s described as our ’Default Mode Network (DMN)’  - the part of our brain that operates when we are at rest, our internal selves.  Our DMN is active when we are reflecting, processing and having a good root around our imagination.  In order to engage and take part in ‘doing’ we need to switch to our ‘Network Mode (NM)’ - a set of brain structures active when we attend to external tasks.  It is impossible to be in both modes at the same time as they act in opposition with means you can’t think yourself into NM because thinking comes from the DMN.  Too much time in DMN can lead to rumination, chronic overthinking and in extreme cases depression so it’s beneficial to actively seek ways to pull ourselves into the present.  Saying hello to a stranger offers us the smallest of state change, an instant dopamine rush and an increased sense of connection.  Imagine that hormone elevation three, five or ten times a day.  Cumulatively, that would make a significant difference to your life.

In a world, seemingly more polarised, compelling reasons to feel angry about the state of the world and where ‘othering’ is commonplace, it’s easy to simply miss the many opportunities for micro-connections.  When we choose self preservation or the comfort of our screens over a simple greeting, whether in the workplace or in our neighbourhood, we are passing up on the ultimate low-risk, high-reward life hack which in return offers us an instant energy upgrade.

As a coach, I know that confidence and connection have their foundations in small, healthy habits.  Actions need to be repeated to become a practise.  I now make a conscious effort to say hello to fellow runners when I go out for a canter around the park and I would guess that about eighty percent acknowledge me back.  Those who don’t are too deep in their own thoughts.  No one has yet ignored me.  So, if you want to challenge yourself (a little) and like the sound of an easy dopamine hit then here are three things you can try.

• Try consciously to say hello to those that catch your eye

  Make it easy on yourself by not going for this in a busy area but try it when you are passing someone in an open garden, park or quieter street (obvs when you feel safe enough)

• Say hello to someone who works in the same building but who you have never spoken to before

• Greet the bus driver, train worker or someone equivalent who attends to a service you use

So, I’m not suggesting you wave at everyone or become a boaty person to switch things up for the better.  But, this particular change is right within your grasp.  Yet, if you think you could do better with some extra support then let’s chat.  Feeling stuck is part of being human but I firmly believe that pain comes right before a definite gain.  Together we’ll explore three ways of working to help you gain clarity, grow confidence and take control of next steps.  Check my ‘Coaching Programmes’ page for info on the following three offerings:

• Lightning: A rapid response, energising two-hour meet to illicit  a quick shift or to focus on getting on top of an issue of urgency.

• Elemental: This four-session offering is more of a deep-dive, for those carving a lasting path forward.

• Stewardship: A flexible, three-to-six-month partnership for deep transformation, awarding ultimate support for the distance to come.

In the meantime, look up from your screens, brave it, meet someone in the eye and say that magical four letter word.